Canadian Invasion
by earth warrior
Summary: Oh no! Canada's taken over Florida! This calls for an angry phone call, courtesy of America. But wait a minute, didn't Canada take over last year too?... Matthew's just wondering how it took him this long to figure it out. No pairings or OC's.


**_Disclaimer: I own nothing!_**

_'O Canada, our home and native land…'_

_Click. _"Hello?"

"WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, MATTIE?"

Matthew nearly dropped pancake batter all over the floor as the screaming on the other end of the line assaulted his hearing with daggers. Wincing, he held the silver cell phone with a maple leaf sticker at arm's length. His ear was ringing, so he gingerly switched to the other side, balancing it precariously on his shoulder, when he was sure his brother- because, honestly, who else could it possibly be?- was done yelling. "What do you mean, eh?" He poured a thick glob of pancake batter in the pan, sighing contentedly as it sizzled and the sweet, familiar smell wafted up at him.

"I thought we were allies, friends… I thought you were my _brother_, Canada! So then why are you doing this?" Matthew was perfectly used to having Alfred call him to rant over the phone- usually it had to do with "that commie" Russia- so this was nothing new. The new part was that he had never had an angry rant directed _at him_. He wasn't quite sure what to do. More importantly, he wasn't sure whether to even take it seriously in the first place.

"I didn't do anything, Al." He explained calmly, flipping his pancake expertly without a hitch. "Whatever it is, are you sure you aren't overreacting?"

There was an indignant growl of rage, and Canada rolled his eyes. Okay, if his brother was going to be a drama queen over what was most likely nothing, then he wasn't going to be a part of it. He moved his fingers to click the phone shut when he heard, "How is it overreacting to be mad about you taking over Florida?"

"W-what?" The phone plummeted into the pan, splattering batter all over Matthew's shirt. He quickly dug it out of what _was_ his lunch, hissing as he burned his hand. He lost his grip on the now slimy cell phone and grappled with it for a moment. After finally getting a hold of it, he pressed the phone to his ear and cradled his injured hand against his chest. "What the-? What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the silent takeover of Florida you've been staging! You send your people down there in droves until pretty soon there are more Canadians then Floridians! It's a Canadian invasion, dude! Then they attack the natives by going the wrong way down one-way streets because they don't know their way around, and dressing in tacky tourist clothes, and putting your flag all outside the apartment complexes they swarm, and driving like 20 miles per hour too slow and… and… _**Gaaahh**_!"

Matthew narrowed his eyes. He noted the batter starting to smoke and hastily moved it off the burner. "America, I burned my hand and ruined a perfectly good batch of pancakes over this?"

Alfred paused in his tirade. "Um, yes… I mean no… I mean… Huh?"

With a sigh, Canada plopped down at the kitchen table. So much for lunch. "You seriously just noticed this?"

"…Yes?"

Somehow, Matthew could believe that. "I take over Florida every year, Alfred. Every winter." He shrugged, though knowing it couldn't be seen it over the phone. "I suppose some of my people don't like the cold weather here. I don't know why; I mean, who doesn't love ten feet of snow and negative 24 degree temperatures? Really? Anyway, so my people stage a silent invasion of Florida. It's no big deal, they'll be gone by summer." There was a long pause. "Um, Al? Are you still there?"

Silence was his only answer for at least a minute. Then, finally, "Every year? Seriously, bro?"

"Yep."

"And I just noticed?"

Matthew couldn't help but smile. "Well, if it's any consolation, they are pretty inconspicuous about it."

After yet another pause, this one shorter than the last, Alfred burst out laughing in that loud, obnoxious tone that somehow managed to be slightly endearing at the same time. Matthew guessed that if he had been angry before, he wasn't anymore. That was one thing he liked about Alfred: even if he could hold a grudge against Russia from now till Kingdom come, he never stayed mad at Matt for longer than five minutes. "Dude, not cool! If you're gonna invade my not-quite-vital-but-still-really-important regions, at least let me know so I can take appropriate counter-measures!"

"Oh, and what would that be? An Anti-Canada fan club?" At the insistence of Kumajiro who continually clawed at him pant leg, Matthew leaned down to haul the little polar bear into his lap. He scratched Kuma between the ears, ignoring the "Who?" the fuzzy creature emitted before curling up in a ball in Canada's lap.

"Actually, I was thinking more of a series of really annoying prank calls, but that works too. You'd join, right?" He asked.

"When Antarctica burns to a crisp," Matthew informed him in deadpan.

"But, it's, like, really snowy and wet and stuff…"

He face-palmed. See what he had to put up with on a daily basis for the past four hundred years? "Yeah, well, the point is your overreacting was for nothing. Yes, I'm taking over Florida, but it's not official or anything. Think of it as… joint custody."

"Hmm, well if that's the case… you want to head to Disneyworld this weekend, Mattie?"

"Of course!"

Because while nothing was better than snow and maple syrup, some things did come pretty dang close.

**oOo**

**Okay, I have no excuse for this. Took two hours at most, lol. Sorry if this story offends anyone... **

**Heh, I just realized that this was my second story with the word 'Canada' in the title. Gosh, I just love Mattie. And the literal place XD. But really, this does happen every year. (The Canadians are comming! The Canadians are comming! *is shot*) Admittedly, it's not just Canada, it's all the northern states too, but states can't really invade each other so... yeah. Not that I'm complaining, because tourism is a big part of Florida's economy.**

**Uh, Victoria of the Funk didn't beta this one, but you should check her stories out anyway! Cuz she's just cool like that.**

**Love,**

**earth warrior**


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